Monday, March 31, 2008

"Home"-less

After not hearing back from University of We'll_regret_it_later about my application, I have been wondering why.
I really finally believe I am very good at science & research, and should be in academia. I don't want to turn into those "full-of-myself" egomaniac professor types, but honestly at this point I haven't met many people at my career stage who I think are better than I am. I try not to focus on comparing myself to others, but it happens.. and while I definitely think that so-n-so has some great strengths in this area or that, I think that overall I compare very well with my peers, and have my own unique strengths (and weaknesses).
I know my contributions and love of science are valued and praised by my advisors and colleagues. So what is the problem?? Well, there are probably a few, but I think it has to do with "selling" myself better to "strangers" (i.e. to people in depts. that do not know me or my research), and I could go on and on about that (and I probably will) but let's start with perhaps the low-hanging fruit of this issue: I am inter-disciplinary, and as such "home-less".
It is part of my personality that I have never wanted to be locked in to one area, but rather free (there is the freedom issue again) to move fluidly between subjects and questions that pique my curiosity. Academia is the best place to move fluidly like this, and to avoid getting locked in, but I have to first get the job!! And that means some dept. has to take a chance on me, and they will be less willing to do so if they don't KNOW me and my research. And the problem is, I am currently young and not broadly known enough to be so "inter-disciplinary" and "home-less".
I got my 3 degrees in 2 different depts (i.e. not the same "-ology" for all degrees and postdocs) and on top of it the depts. that I did my degrees in are not exactly the traditional depts. that have historically housed people doing the kind of research I do. Further, probably the best dept. for someone like me is neither of the 2+ depts. that I have gotten degrees from and postdoc'd in.
If you looked only at my published papers and the journals for which I review and nothing else, it is likely that you'd guess correctly the specific area of science I am in, but you would not guess it by looking at my formal education. I think this matters a lot for faculty job searches in traditional "-ology" depts. for a number of reasons. Firstly, if I don't have an undergrad degree in the dept. to which I am applying, there is a rightful concern about my ability to teach the undergrads this discipline (and let me say right here I love & respect disciplines, and definitely see the need for them, especially the one I got my BS in, it is just that I happen to not be the kind of scientist that fits neatly in to one). Secondly, I belong to 3 different scientific societies and I tend to bounce around between attending meetings due to my inter-disciplinary nature; I have not consistently gone to the same conf. year after year. This has prevented me from forming a scientific "community" of people who know me, and it also makes me seem "inconsistent". Thirdly, the people I have worked with (advisors, co-authors, etc etc) are spread in many different departments. Again, this means I am not known by a cohesive group of people in one area or department, which I think contributes to the "risk" of hiring me.
I have always thought that if I just did good science, the job will come, and likely it probably will. But I may have to re-prioritize right now and put more energy into meeting people and making myself better known in one area as well. I have always resented doing stuff like this, because it seems kinda fake and non-sciency.. but the reality of science is that people do science, not robots. There is a big "human dimension" to science (i.e. social part). So I can either be scornful and resentful and resist doing it which will probably delay me getting my ideal academic position or I can just suck it up and go to more meetings and try to make a good impression and build my scientific community. Hopefully this will help me get my ideal job sooner rather than later, which will give me the freedom I ultimately seek.

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