My 1st academic job offer

So the phone interview turned into a 1-on-1 interview which resulted in an offer from this very excellent R1 school. They want to hire me, as an assistant professor. I am really excited and thrilled. It is really nice to be wanted and valued by a great department and school.
If anyone ever reads this, I can attest that a big factor in getting this job offer was that I do research exactly in the area they were looking to fill with this hire. This makes me feel way less badly about not getting interviews elsewhere. It likely does not mean that I wasn't good enough, it just means I wasn't what they were looking for in terms of bringing some particular scientific strength to their department. I know this may seem obvious; I was always told that search committees write these ads for a reason after much debate, discussion, etc but I guess it becomes clearer after having gone through the process. And there have been times when I have applied for a position that was kind of a stretch but nonetheless I argued that my research fit the ad description. I don't know if I would be less inclined to do that, but I am certainly more understanding of why I would not hear back in such cases.
Anyway,I really want this job. It is really kinda scary going through the negotiation process though. I want one really $$$$ instrument, and a bunch of semi-$$ instruments, a nice lab, funding for grad students for awhile, my summer salary for 1-2 yrs, computers, general lap supplies, etc. All this adds up to quite a large chunk of change, and I am afraid that I am asking for too much. Everyone says ask for it, they want me to be successful and that new instruments will bring new capabilities to the department, etc and this is one big way in which depts. get new instruments, etc. However, I find myself waking up at 5am freaking out thinking "did I really ask for that $$$$ instrument..? OMG!!" There are so many things I do not know. Like how much $$ is reasonable for chemicals and general lab supplies like beakers, what about balances?
Then I think about what I'll do once I get this stuff. How will I know how to structure an MS or PhD thesis for students? I can think of lots of ideas and specific research problems, but organizing them into someone's thesis is rather scary. It's not just me anymore, now I'm responsible for someone else..!! ACK. I really like the analogy that academic research labs run by a professor-PI are like small businesses, as discussed here.
Lastly, and most importantly.. the two-body problem. My husband does not want to move to the location of this university. He loves the area where we currently live, and I do too. But I have the excitement about this awesome job that dulls down the fact that the location is less than awesome for us. He doesn't have that. He does see that this is a very awesome and special position that is not likely to found or offered to me regularly at this point in my career. It is so awesome for many reasons but mainly because 1. it is an awesome school 2. Both the dept. and I think I would fit in very well. All my advisors, mentors, collaborators strongly urge me not to turn this one down*, and to find a way to make it work with my husband. I want to, but how can I ask him to potentially give up so much of what makes him really happy on a day-to-day basis for my career? He feels similarly.. he feels like how can he ask me to turn this down so he can have his fun every day.. but really, both these things are really important to both of us. I do not know how to find a compromise here. I know he is clinging to the hope that I will decide to turn it down b/c I will find a job like this elsewhere (in a better location) but I honestly do not think that is likely. It is a small world, and at this point I know the depts. in my field very well (as do my advisors) and we all agree that it is not very likely at all that this type of opportunity will open up in a place where my husband wants to live. Right now, I am just hoping that he will see things differently when we visit the university for the negotiations, etc.



*I have turned down other "good opportunities" before.. for example I turned down a postdoc position at a very good private university b/c my husband and I didn't want to live there and I didn't feel like it was "right". I feel differently about this position, despite the non-ideal location.