- Selling myself sounds degrading and naughty
- It makes me seem like a "product" and while I see the analogy, I don't like it
Monday, March 31, 2008
New phrase needed
I don't like the phrase 'selling myself' which I have been using to express the need to demonstrate to people how awesome my research is, and how much future potential I have as a scientist.
Evidence for the importance of community
Ok, so here I am reviewing a paper which is not very good for a number of reasons. One relatively minor reason is that the authors do not refer to any of the current papers published by the "big dogs" on this topic. So in my last post, I complain about having to sell myself and fit in to a scientific community and then I go off to do a review for a journal, and find myself concerned that the authors do not put their results in the context of their specific scientific "community" (by that I mean referring to the papers specifically relevant to their study). As I said, the paper is not good, but the lack of current context makes the paper seem "extra fishy". So I conclude, that everyone does it, even me: some of my judgment of the science is based on how it "fits in". And that is not bad. The authors could have made the paper seem better by selling it better and putting it in light of relevant current findings (but I still would reject it based mostly on the quality of the data).
I guess my point is that how you communicate your science matters a lot in how you and your work is perceived, and it can only help if you make it seem awesome (as long as you stay within reality, and don't exaggerate or totally overdo it).
I have not put much- no I have not put any- effort into "selling" myself. Sometimes I think this is because I have the attitude that if people can't just see immediately how awesome my work is, then they are somehow not worth my time, but I don't really believe this. This attitude comes from insecurity and fear of not being valued by my community.
One thing I have learned is that when I do put my mind to something, I am often successful. So.. here goes. Time to work on "awesome-izing" myself. Progress reports forthcoming.
I guess my point is that how you communicate your science matters a lot in how you and your work is perceived, and it can only help if you make it seem awesome (as long as you stay within reality, and don't exaggerate or totally overdo it).
I have not put much- no I have not put any- effort into "selling" myself. Sometimes I think this is because I have the attitude that if people can't just see immediately how awesome my work is, then they are somehow not worth my time, but I don't really believe this. This attitude comes from insecurity and fear of not being valued by my community.
One thing I have learned is that when I do put my mind to something, I am often successful. So.. here goes. Time to work on "awesome-izing" myself. Progress reports forthcoming.
"Home"-less
After not hearing back from University of We'll_regret_it_later about my application, I have been wondering why.
I really finally believe I am very good at science & research, and should be in academia. I don't want to turn into those "full-of-myself" egomaniac professor types, but honestly at this point I haven't met many people at my career stage who I think are better than I am. I try not to focus on comparing myself to others, but it happens.. and while I definitely think that so-n-so has some great strengths in this area or that, I think that overall I compare very well with my peers, and have my own unique strengths (and weaknesses).
I know my contributions and love of science are valued and praised by my advisors and colleagues. So what is the problem?? Well, there are probably a few, but I think it has to do with "selling" myself better to "strangers" (i.e. to people in depts. that do not know me or my research), and I could go on and on about that (and I probably will) but let's start with perhaps the low-hanging fruit of this issue: I am inter-disciplinary, and as such "home-less".
It is part of my personality that I have never wanted to be locked in to one area, but rather free (there is the freedom issue again) to move fluidly between subjects and questions that pique my curiosity. Academia is the best place to move fluidly like this, and to avoid getting locked in, but I have to first get the job!! And that means some dept. has to take a chance on me, and they will be less willing to do so if they don't KNOW me and my research. And the problem is, I am currently young and not broadly known enough to be so "inter-disciplinary" and "home-less".
I got my 3 degrees in 2 different depts (i.e. not the same "-ology" for all degrees and postdocs) and on top of it the depts. that I did my degrees in are not exactly the traditional depts. that have historically housed people doing the kind of research I do. Further, probably the best dept. for someone like me is neither of the 2+ depts. that I have gotten degrees from and postdoc'd in.
If you looked only at my published papers and the journals for which I review and nothing else, it is likely that you'd guess correctly the specific area of science I am in, but you would not guess it by looking at my formal education. I think this matters a lot for faculty job searches in traditional "-ology" depts. for a number of reasons. Firstly, if I don't have an undergrad degree in the dept. to which I am applying, there is a rightful concern about my ability to teach the undergrads this discipline (and let me say right here I love & respect disciplines, and definitely see the need for them, especially the one I got my BS in, it is just that I happen to not be the kind of scientist that fits neatly in to one). Secondly, I belong to 3 different scientific societies and I tend to bounce around between attending meetings due to my inter-disciplinary nature; I have not consistently gone to the same conf. year after year. This has prevented me from forming a scientific "community" of people who know me, and it also makes me seem "inconsistent". Thirdly, the people I have worked with (advisors, co-authors, etc etc) are spread in many different departments. Again, this means I am not known by a cohesive group of people in one area or department, which I think contributes to the "risk" of hiring me.
I have always thought that if I just did good science, the job will come, and likely it probably will. But I may have to re-prioritize right now and put more energy into meeting people and making myself better known in one area as well. I have always resented doing stuff like this, because it seems kinda fake and non-sciency.. but the reality of science is that people do science, not robots. There is a big "human dimension" to science (i.e. social part). So I can either be scornful and resentful and resist doing it which will probably delay me getting my ideal academic position or I can just suck it up and go to more meetings and try to make a good impression and build my scientific community. Hopefully this will help me get my ideal job sooner rather than later, which will give me the freedom I ultimately seek.
I really finally believe I am very good at science & research, and should be in academia. I don't want to turn into those "full-of-myself" egomaniac professor types, but honestly at this point I haven't met many people at my career stage who I think are better than I am. I try not to focus on comparing myself to others, but it happens.. and while I definitely think that so-n-so has some great strengths in this area or that, I think that overall I compare very well with my peers, and have my own unique strengths (and weaknesses).
I know my contributions and love of science are valued and praised by my advisors and colleagues. So what is the problem?? Well, there are probably a few, but I think it has to do with "selling" myself better to "strangers" (i.e. to people in depts. that do not know me or my research), and I could go on and on about that (and I probably will) but let's start with perhaps the low-hanging fruit of this issue: I am inter-disciplinary, and as such "home-less".
It is part of my personality that I have never wanted to be locked in to one area, but rather free (there is the freedom issue again) to move fluidly between subjects and questions that pique my curiosity. Academia is the best place to move fluidly like this, and to avoid getting locked in, but I have to first get the job!! And that means some dept. has to take a chance on me, and they will be less willing to do so if they don't KNOW me and my research. And the problem is, I am currently young and not broadly known enough to be so "inter-disciplinary" and "home-less".
I got my 3 degrees in 2 different depts (i.e. not the same "-ology" for all degrees and postdocs) and on top of it the depts. that I did my degrees in are not exactly the traditional depts. that have historically housed people doing the kind of research I do. Further, probably the best dept. for someone like me is neither of the 2+ depts. that I have gotten degrees from and postdoc'd in.
If you looked only at my published papers and the journals for which I review and nothing else, it is likely that you'd guess correctly the specific area of science I am in, but you would not guess it by looking at my formal education. I think this matters a lot for faculty job searches in traditional "-ology" depts. for a number of reasons. Firstly, if I don't have an undergrad degree in the dept. to which I am applying, there is a rightful concern about my ability to teach the undergrads this discipline (and let me say right here I love & respect disciplines, and definitely see the need for them, especially the one I got my BS in, it is just that I happen to not be the kind of scientist that fits neatly in to one). Secondly, I belong to 3 different scientific societies and I tend to bounce around between attending meetings due to my inter-disciplinary nature; I have not consistently gone to the same conf. year after year. This has prevented me from forming a scientific "community" of people who know me, and it also makes me seem "inconsistent". Thirdly, the people I have worked with (advisors, co-authors, etc etc) are spread in many different departments. Again, this means I am not known by a cohesive group of people in one area or department, which I think contributes to the "risk" of hiring me.
I have always thought that if I just did good science, the job will come, and likely it probably will. But I may have to re-prioritize right now and put more energy into meeting people and making myself better known in one area as well. I have always resented doing stuff like this, because it seems kinda fake and non-sciency.. but the reality of science is that people do science, not robots. There is a big "human dimension" to science (i.e. social part). So I can either be scornful and resentful and resist doing it which will probably delay me getting my ideal academic position or I can just suck it up and go to more meetings and try to make a good impression and build my scientific community. Hopefully this will help me get my ideal job sooner rather than later, which will give me the freedom I ultimately seek.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Anxiety Dreams
I have always been plagued with anxiety dreams, who isn't? Perhaps it is more intense for me because I regularly remember my dreams.
Recently the theme of my anxiety dreams has been that I do something horrible to screw up my job or job potential. For example, last night I dreamt that, in cohoots with my sister AM*, I stole some jewellery from a stranger's hotel room. In the dream, it was all AM's idea (hahahaha). She knew where the jewellery would be and she somehow managed to get the key to the hotel room. But it was I who found the jewellery in the room. We were both of us nervously looking around for it.. AM was digging through luggage and I looked in a jewellery case (how imaginative), and found some jewellery but AM said it was not what we were looking for. I was super nervous that we'd be caught and found out, so I was telling AM to hurry up. I think we were sweating. Then I looked in a shelf above the closet and there were these huge strands (like +10 ft long) of beaded necklaces in soft oranges, green-ish blues, and off-white... AM said this is what we were looking for. Interestingly, the necklaces felt sort of cheap, even though they looked neat, I was wondering how they could really be that valuable. They felt like plastic or glass. They also had some shells in them, among the beads. I think we stuffed in them in bag and ran out of the hotel room. AM was then feeling guilty and nervous about being caught; she was crying and feeling like she too had been pressured into stealing. She said she had left a shawl in the room, and our fingerprints were all over everything. I said, very unscientifically, that it was unlikely we'd get caught, but at the same time I was horrified by the thought of getting caught. I kept thinking why did I have to go along with it? If I were to get caught my career would be ruined.. I was so upset at myself for going along with it and I kept thinking how much it was not worth it at the potential expense of screwing up my career.
A few nights ago, I had the same dream except that in place of stealing jewellery, I snuck away from a murder scence and let someone die because I was too lazy, scared, busy, etc to call 911. ACK!!! Again, I felt so guilty for letting someone die and somehow it translated into me not deserving a career or something.
*AM, I'm sorry, this dream in no way suggests you are a thief. It is all me and my subconscious!
Recently the theme of my anxiety dreams has been that I do something horrible to screw up my job or job potential. For example, last night I dreamt that, in cohoots with my sister AM*, I stole some jewellery from a stranger's hotel room. In the dream, it was all AM's idea (hahahaha). She knew where the jewellery would be and she somehow managed to get the key to the hotel room. But it was I who found the jewellery in the room. We were both of us nervously looking around for it.. AM was digging through luggage and I looked in a jewellery case (how imaginative), and found some jewellery but AM said it was not what we were looking for. I was super nervous that we'd be caught and found out, so I was telling AM to hurry up. I think we were sweating. Then I looked in a shelf above the closet and there were these huge strands (like +10 ft long) of beaded necklaces in soft oranges, green-ish blues, and off-white... AM said this is what we were looking for. Interestingly, the necklaces felt sort of cheap, even though they looked neat, I was wondering how they could really be that valuable. They felt like plastic or glass. They also had some shells in them, among the beads. I think we stuffed in them in bag and ran out of the hotel room. AM was then feeling guilty and nervous about being caught; she was crying and feeling like she too had been pressured into stealing. She said she had left a shawl in the room, and our fingerprints were all over everything. I said, very unscientifically, that it was unlikely we'd get caught, but at the same time I was horrified by the thought of getting caught. I kept thinking why did I have to go along with it? If I were to get caught my career would be ruined.. I was so upset at myself for going along with it and I kept thinking how much it was not worth it at the potential expense of screwing up my career.
A few nights ago, I had the same dream except that in place of stealing jewellery, I snuck away from a murder scence and let someone die because I was too lazy, scared, busy, etc to call 911. ACK!!! Again, I felt so guilty for letting someone die and somehow it translated into me not deserving a career or something.
*AM, I'm sorry, this dream in no way suggests you are a thief. It is all me and my subconscious!
Monday, March 24, 2008
3/24/08
I was told again for the approx. 100th time today that I have more scientific enthusiasm & intensity than most people. I know this to be true about myself. I accept it, and take pride in it (finally, although I do think I live a balanced life, I'm not 100% focused on 1 thing, never could be, never will be). How do I translate this into getting interviews and my ideal academic position? Not sure yet.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
3/20/08
Right now I..
I love science. I think academia is for me!?!??!
To one thing constant never (Shakespeare said that in some play I think, Much ado about nothing??) which has served as my motto generally in life; however I have recently realized that I have always been partial to pursuit of ultimate Freedom, and this is something I have pursued consistently in my life. More on this later.
- am about to submit 1 paper for review
- have 2 papers that I am supposed to review for 2 different journals next week
- have one paper accepted with revisions due back
- am working on one proposal, may start on another; both due next week!
- have one paper in review
- owe co-authors some pre-submission revisions on another paper
I love science. I think academia is for me!?!??!
To one thing constant never (Shakespeare said that in some play I think, Much ado about nothing??) which has served as my motto generally in life; however I have recently realized that I have always been partial to pursuit of ultimate Freedom, and this is something I have pursued consistently in my life. More on this later.
Wednesday, March 19, 2008
3/18/08
Daily log in the life of a 30-ish yr old female scientist of non-fiction in some "ology" (definitely NOT procto-volcano-chemo-bio-geology, but interdisciplinary nonetheless).
- Yesterday, I found out that a paper of mine (me as co-author, not 1st author) was accepted with not too horribly challenging revisions. Yeah!
- Today I worked on a draft of a paper from my last postdoc. I got stuck, and sent it to my former advisor for help.
- I am now (well almost now) working on a proposal, for CASH for more science.
- I have not heard back on any academic jobs to which I have applied. Perhaps I don't have enough awards. How can I win some awards??? I have never cared about awards and such, and have focused on sweet science and lots of pubs, but perhaps in this competitive time, I need AWARDS too.
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